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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Internet killed the Vidya Star: Sonic the Hedgehog

...and the moment John put on his custom made Sonic fursuit, a billion Dad's across the world all cried out at once in disapproval..."YOU ARE NOT MY SON"

You all should be ashamed of yourself.  Why Sonic?  Why not humiliate a less memorable character like Alfred Chicken from that crap SNES game that nobody remembers?  Nope, the bowels of the Internet had to go and desecrate one of the most beloved characters from my childhood.  It's been a gradual thing it seems, over the years I've watched it get worse.  Before, I simply avoided doing searches for Sonic on Deviantart, but now, god help you if you type his name into a standard Google Image search.

Not that I'm constantly searching for pictures of the poor guy, but it's like that uncle who was really cool when you were a kid, then he moved away and you don't see him anymore.  Then you attempt to re-connect by finding his Facebook profile and notice it's filled with pictures of him and his boyfriend on vacation and you just can't stop looking at how tan he is....Yeah.

Oh Chris-Chan ^_^
It seem's I'll never understand the Internet's fascination with drawing one of my fond childhood memories in all manner of despicable acts.  I suspect this whole phenomenon of "Sonic the Hedgehog: WTF?!! MY EYES!!" has a much deeper, perhaps Freudian connection going on.  Trying to analyze(heh) furries and other miscreants though is a futile effort.  They're going to keep drawing bi-curious sonic and Tails "art".  They're going to keep churning out Sonic/Harry-Potter crossover erotic fan fictions and there's NOTHING you or I can do about it.  This the reason I literally haven't played a Sonic Game since like 1998, and I will continue avoiding them.

Yup
I Remember a time when Sonic was cool, he was like the counter-culture to the whole carebear, hand holding lame-parade that was Nintendo.  He had some edginess to him, that a fat plumber simply couldn't match. However, we destroyed him, we let furries, and weirdos take away our cool video game mascot, and in all likelihood drove  a great company out of the hardware business altogether.  On that note, I leave you with a video.  if only the sick, twisted internet dwellers would have simply listened to Sonic, he was sending you all a message!


48 comments:

  1. This is just as bad as what I saw some of the Pokemon characters get up to in their free time:(

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  2. lol i remember that last clip from way back. it kinda sucks thouhg, no one ever touched me. feels bad ;/

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  3. That video... Don't touch me there, Sonic..

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  4. I too, miss the old Sonic. He was so cool back then. Try describing that to someone now, though... You might as well get out your new man purse while you're doing it.

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  5. Yep, Mario has all the glory while Sonic gets... well, very bad things.
    I owe my childhood to Sonic and Alex Kidd. Now just Zelda cheers me up

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  6. Sonic is better left as part of the nostalgic past, all these half-hearted reboots, spinoffs and just outright crappy games have not helped the franchise at all. Following

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  7. Thank you for posting this. I stopped playing Sonic after Sonic 3 - because the games started to get really, really, really bad. Now fastforward to the present - we have a sonic game in which he wields a sword and turns into a werewolf and lives in the human world. What the fuck?

    I propose that Sega did this. When sega decided that they didn't care about sonic anymore, they inadvertently allowed the legion of autistic fans to do with sonic as they wish. With that, we have Sonichu, the lightning-hedgehog pokemon, ladies and gentlemen.

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  8. Just about every video game mascot has been desacrated, though. I bet you could find pictures of a Princess Peach gangbang if you really wanted to go looking for them.

    The internet didn't destroy Sonic, lazy assholes at Sega did.

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  9. I managed to get Sonic on my iPhone. pretty stoked about it

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  10. Yeah, no matter what they do to Sonic he's getting off easy compared to poor little Misty!

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  11. Sonic was very good game... I used to play it on Mega Drive

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  12. Poor old sonic! Man Sonic the Hedgehog was, like, my favorite game for the Sega!

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  13. Well, free marketing and crazy fans means more sales. Sega doesn't care if they can sell more Sonic stuff.

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  14. That motivational poster made me chuckle.

    But yes, the Sonic series has really hit the toilet rim.

    Just waiting for it to finally be flushed, or to be intelligently pulled back out

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  15. Sonic... you dont get much derpier than that these days...

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  16. The sexual harassment psa is hillarious :))

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  17. Lol, and he's the worst character on Smash Bros.
    TehHappyPlace

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  18. remembering the good old times with sonic... It was a great time!

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  19. Wow, I still love Sonic. Sonic for is great, even the iPod version.

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  20. LOL, I remember those YTMND of Sonic's sexual harassment audio. So funny...back in the day. Yea...I wish sonic wasn't so...bad today.

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  21. Love the message of the day! Sonic will never be the same :(

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  22. I always thought Sonic ruled until I realized he was voiced by Steve Urkel. =/

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  23. Poor sonic. I was never a fan, but I did notice there was a lot of sonic fans on the net.

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  24. I thought Sonic was cool in comparison to Mario.

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  25. I'll always enjoy sonic the hedgehog, even if his games are a plague.

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  26. even though i agree with most of your post, i still think that furries are hillarious

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  27. Thats what happens when your the fastest thing alive.

    World of Warcraft Cheats@
    http://www.blizzardhacks.com

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  28. The 8th grade kid I tutor never heard of Sega Genesis/Saturn/Dreamcast.

    Smoke on that. Also, Sonichu is the internet.

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  29. That video made me laugh so freaking hard!

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  30. Nice post, you have right.

    + followed:)

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  31. To be honest, I never really liked Sonic :P

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  32. Such a good post, I really enjoy your writing style. n__n

    Sonic's anti RAPE clip is so fucking 90's my stomach hurts.

    Following~

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  33. I wish I had that sonic costume...

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