Retro Gaming at it's finest

16 bit is not cool


Friday, February 4, 2011

Game Store Tips: Volume 1

Ahh the wonderful world of the Game Store.  It's a necessary evil for us gamers to venture out into the wilds and pick up our favorite FPS, RTS, RPG, or STD (Just kidding, you can't get an STD from your hand) at one of the many fine retail establishments at our local malls and suburban shopping centers. Or perhaps Microsoft sold you another overheating piece of garbage that you have to replace every 6 months. Regardless, these can be scary places, and if you're unprepared, your local Game store manager will play you like a cheap Rock Band plastic Drum set.  Spending most of my adult life either working for or frequenting these places, I am offering some useful tips on how to navigate these fuming, cesspools of nerdery.

1. Always have a girl trade in your used games.

Yeah I know, no girls on the Internet, but they do exist IRL, I promise!  This doesn't have to be a girl you're romantically involved with(hahahahahah) or even someone you're friends with.(lol) Find a girl who's willing to sell your old stuff because trust me my friends, they will get more store credit, more cash, more mouth-breathing from the employees, and maybe even some free merchandise in the form of leftover promotional items, and gaming gear.  Don't believe me?  Every time a hot girl would come into my former store, I would flirt with her, be extremely helpful and like I said give away free stuff.  This is similar to those losers who buy girl's drinks at bar in hopes of getting laid, but the difference is, it didn't cost me any money. 

Pro Tip: Ask your attractive and successful brother's (your parent's probably love him more) girlfriend, or your cousin +1 if she even remotely looks Eastern.

2. Don't buy the store Discount card, ask other customers to use theirs.

This saves you 10-15 bucks, and pisses off the employees because it cuts into their commission pay.  Alot of people don't realize that those discount cards they offer for frequent buyers or traders can be used by anyone willing to swipe their card for you.  In your face, Capitalism!

3. Learn to Powergame

Polwergaming is essentially beating a game as quickly, and efficiently as possible, abusing exploits, and conquering all foes in a matter of days or hours. All Game Store's have a return policy, usually any game you buy can be returned within 7 days for a full refund.  Use this to your advantage and stop enjoying video games and start OWNING them.  You are better than that RPG sitting over there next to the pile of Coke cans, so why let it beat you? This can save you a ton of money in the long run if you don't care about actually owning a game long-term.(Realistically, 99% of games progressively go down in value the moment you take the shrink wrap off, I don't care how cool that $120.00 dollar "Collectors Edition" looks)  there's no use in letting a game sit around for a month after you beat it and only get 15% of what you payed for it when you can get the full value by simply staying up until 5am for a few nights(Social life be darned) and embracing the philosophy of Forever Alone.

More tips when I feel like it, Enjoy your Friday night