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Friday, February 4, 2011

Game Store Tips: Volume 1



Ahh the wonderful world of the Game Store.  It's a necessary evil for us gamers to venture out into the wilds and pick up our favorite FPS, RTS, RPG, or STD (Just kidding, you can't get an STD from your hand) at one of the many fine retail establishments at our local malls and suburban shopping centers. Or perhaps Microsoft sold you another overheating piece of garbage that you have to replace every 6 months. Regardless, these can be scary places, and if you're unprepared, your local Game store manager will play you like a cheap Rock Band plastic Drum set.  Spending most of my adult life either working for or frequenting these places, I am offering some useful tips on how to navigate these fuming, cesspools of nerdery.


1. Always have a girl trade in your used games.

Yeah I know, no girls on the Internet, but they do exist IRL, I promise!  This doesn't have to be a girl you're romantically involved with(hahahahahah) or even someone you're friends with.(lol) Find a girl who's willing to sell your old stuff because trust me my friends, they will get more store credit, more cash, more mouth-breathing from the employees, and maybe even some free merchandise in the form of leftover promotional items, and gaming gear.  Don't believe me?  Every time a hot girl would come into my former store, I would flirt with her, be extremely helpful and like I said give away free stuff.  This is similar to those losers who buy girl's drinks at bar in hopes of getting laid, but the difference is, it didn't cost me any money. 

Pro Tip: Ask your attractive and successful brother's (your parent's probably love him more) girlfriend, or your cousin +1 if she even remotely looks Eastern.



2. Don't buy the store Discount card, ask other customers to use theirs.

This saves you 10-15 bucks, and pisses off the employees because it cuts into their commission pay.  Alot of people don't realize that those discount cards they offer for frequent buyers or traders can be used by anyone willing to swipe their card for you.  In your face, Capitalism!


3. Learn to Powergame

Polwergaming is essentially beating a game as quickly, and efficiently as possible, abusing exploits, and conquering all foes in a matter of days or hours. All Game Store's have a return policy, usually any game you buy can be returned within 7 days for a full refund.  Use this to your advantage and stop enjoying video games and start OWNING them.  You are better than that RPG sitting over there next to the pile of Coke cans, so why let it beat you? This can save you a ton of money in the long run if you don't care about actually owning a game long-term.(Realistically, 99% of games progressively go down in value the moment you take the shrink wrap off, I don't care how cool that $120.00 dollar "Collectors Edition" looks)  there's no use in letting a game sit around for a month after you beat it and only get 15% of what you payed for it when you can get the full value by simply staying up until 5am for a few nights(Social life be darned) and embracing the philosophy of Forever Alone.

More tips when I feel like it, Enjoy your Friday night
SAR577JWHN96

50 comments:

  1. Cool, but the part about the girls is pretty obious

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  2. Good stuff man, I lol'd at the pic.

    theladiets.blogspot.com

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  3. Those are some good tips. 3 may come of most use to me. Although the only place I buy video games are from Amazon.

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  4. i will be implementing this new found wisdom in my life.

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  5. great advice, I'll try some of these tips out.

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  6. really true about discount cards...those bastards!!!

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  7. Fully agree. Also just buy pre-owned games. If they don't work you can get a full refund, if they do, well you just got the same thing but cheaper

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  8. 4. Ask them if they have battletoads.

    Haha, I've been using my gf as 'trade girl' for ages now. She's hot and knows how to schmooze the clerks, male or female.

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  9. Lol, love your humor.

    But instead of no.3, would you recommend Gamefly or something?

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  10. Oh yeah, forgot to say this is a really good idea. Look forward to more!

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  11. thanks for the tips especially the hot girl one lol its probly true unfortunately

    your friend,
    ectomorphmuscle.blogspot.com

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  12. i love number 3 "start OWNING them" brilliant post

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  13. Dude, the girl tip is so true. It even works in Apple stores.

    See, I'm lucky that my fiance's one of the rare cute girl gamers. She went to the Apple store to see if she could get a new battery for her old Macbook. She fried the original one from gaming with it always plugged in, and no longer had a warranty. She told the dude this, and his eyes lit up and he got all flustered. Told her he was a gamer too and tried to hit on her. She ignored it, but he gave her a completely new battery for free.

    The joys of being an attractive female. So glad I can finally capitalize on this.

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  14. Those are some good tips. I do not agree with the power gaming on though. I haven't traded in a game in quite some time and I am happy with my ever growing collection of games.

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  15. That 4-eyed acne-commercial is kinda doing it for me...

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  16. Well, yeah, the girl one is sorta obvious. :P

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  17. haha I'll make sure to do #3! Games are so expensive these days!

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  18. I haven't paid for games in such a long time....i'm a terrible pirate. haha.

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  19. Nice advice. I will have to try these.

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  20. lol @ RROD.... Those are some good tips. I will have my GF trade in my games for me from now on.

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  21. funny article, nice-- what about gaming for fun?

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  22. Red ring of death feels bad man.

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  23. Pretty cool tips. You should give some more on the next post.

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  24. This post made me lol! Keep it up.

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  25. I wish game retailers still gave their employees commissions! That ended when EB Games merged with GameStop. And the world soon fell into darkness...

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  26. o______o
    Hmmmm But I AM a girl.
    Does that mean I need to get another girl to trade in my games?
    XD
    But anyway I don't buy much games at the store anymore, always do tests on gamefly before I buy them. Since I get so busy.

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  27. i dont play video games, but when i do, i drink a dos equis first.


    -Metalcore

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  28. I only buy my games on steam, however that first tip gave me an idea. Maybe my gf can get me a few pixelated hats.

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  29. But the collector's version comes with Master Chief's helmet zomg must buy

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  30. I have been scammed, they don't allow returns after the rapper is off. But they will make exchange(never did that one though).

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  31. I've already embraced the forever alone philosophy... even without gaming. Good post made me chuckle occasionally ;)

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  32. My friend flipped out when his xbox went red.lol.

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  33. Tip number 3 i always follow. Even if i dont get a refund i get better store credit on a new release.

    Tip 1, meh dosnt always have to be a girl, i always use to get free stuff from the guys in my local store admittedly we got on like a house on fire. Though i do wholly agree that most of the time girls will get an awesome deal in any shop as compared to us guys!

    sounds pretty handy, there is a noteslate in due to be released in the summer that suits this purpose perfectly, just search google for it

    Swing by my blog for your chance to win the nerdy give away, just leave a comment here for your chance to win.

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  34. Hahaha. The attractive girl idea made me laugh because it seems like it would actually work. Nice post.

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  35. I use Gamefly for my new games, but I do send my girlfriend to get used ones from Gamestop.

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  36. first two are definitely great tips. 3rd is nice too, but not really my style
    thanks man

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  37. lol @ the last advice. Classic bro

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  38. lol. Too bad I do all my gaming on PC...and can Torrent those games for free! :P

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  39. This is pretty useful. I just bought myself a xbox 360.

    Thanks.

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  40. Good advice. It sounds like you speak from experience.

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  41. I like owning my games..for later playing them over and over again heck I'm still playing some of the old FF games sometimes

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