Retro Game Guide Part 1: Becoming a Collector

Disregard Princesses, Acquire Coins

So you want to start collecting classic games huh?  Slow down there sparky, we have alot of work to do!     It takes time, and effort.  I've been hunting down rare gems at flea markets and my local game stores for years.  The great thing is, video games have taken a few steps up on the geek ladder in the past decade, so considering this as a hobby(obsession) will not make you as much as a mouth-breathing social outcast as you might think.  Don't expect to be swimming in girl Lake though, when you start rambling on about how "revolutionary" the gameplay was in Gunstar Heroes. 

Step 1: Research

Know what you're looking for, and know what you're getting yourself into.  One of my first recommendations is to start searching for games on Ebay, get an idea of where the market stands.  Pick up a gaming guide like Digital Press as well.  These will become invaluable tools in your search for meaningless nostalgia.  Researching what games are worth  isn't about making money though, it's about knowing owning something of artificial value.  Sure, you could potentially sell that mint, non-Greatest Hits Copy of Final Fantasy 7 to pay for you and your Girlfriend(Hand) to have a nice dinner, but then that would just make you a normal person.  Being a Retro Game collector isn't about being normal, it's about KNOWING you are better than the keystone-light chugging Bro masses who buy up the latest Copy of Madden and Call of Duty every year.

"If only Squaresoft could make me a real woman sigh..."

 Part 2 tomorrow!

Creepy: Barney's Hide and Seek Game

What are you doing in that Dreamcast Barney?  You don't even fit you're a Genesis cartridge

Today I bring you a video game called Barney's Hide and Seek Game.

...Do I really need to say anything?

In this foul endeavor, you play as Barney the purple Dinosaur and ready to find some  kids who have not-so cleverly hidden themselves around many colorful, obnoxious levels.  That wouldn't be so bad, if it were not for the event that happens every time you find said children:  Barney picks them up, and gives them a big, long "hug".  Now, if the image of a middle-aged man walking around in a Dinosaur suit, picking up small children and telling them he loves them didn't set off your Megan's Law alarm bells enough, perhaps this poorly photoshopped image will.

Now I realize this is meant to be a children's game, and the barney TV show was very popular in 1993(Thanks Generation X parents!) but imagine if you were a kid on Christmas, you begged your Mom for a copy of Sonic The Hedgehog, and instead she shoved this down your throat because she didn't like the look of that mischievous blue critter.  In fact, I can't think of another situation for a parent actually wanting to buy this game for their kid.

Another quick update

Hey guys, just want to say thank you so much for the support, I am new to this whole blogging thing and am trying my best to show each and every one of you great followers my full support.  If you leave a comment and I don't get back to you right away, don't worry I am trying my best and will eventually!

16 bit Garbage: Shaq Fu

 FAIL

Ahh Shaq Fu.  I hold in my hand today produced for any gaming system, let alone the 16-bit era.  Picture this:  You play as Basketball star Shaquille O'Neil in a 1 vs 1 fighting game set in some Dojo where you discover some other dimension world where you fight monsters.  I am not making this up.  This game was a pitiful attempt to cash on on more popular games like Mortal Kombat.

If you like things like Poor storyline, horrible controls be sure to pick up a copy of this gem.

Space Invaders and Galaga

This is why I loved the 16 bit era.  Taking two classic (in every sense of the word) titles that were originally available on the Atari and Colecovision systems(not to mention huge hits in arcades) and adding just a few small updates and better graphics gave them a whole new life for a new generation.

First up is Space Invaders '90.  Great remake of the timeless gametype where play as a little ship desperately trying to fight off hordes of space prawns.  The best thing about this update to a classic is the weapon powerups, It adds a whole new dynamic to an already winning formula. I like to imagine myself as Will Smith circa ID4 playing this game.

Next up is my personal favorite, Galaga 90'  Everyone knows what makes the Galaga games great is the ability to let the aliens steal your ship, then get it back and have double the power.  Galaga 90' however, allowed you to get your ship stolen 3 times instead of the standard once

Come at me bro