Why do I have two copies of "Crue Ball" ?

"Crue Ball"

I was going through my game collection today and noticed something strange.  Sometime in my life, between binge drinking, and failing High School, I decided it was important to purchase two copies of the Genesis game "Crue Ball".  "Crue Ball" is a pinball game based off 80's hair metal band Motley Crue.  Yes, Electronic Arts apparently felt that Motley Crue was so badass that they needed a pinball game, because what could be more metal than a...wait for it...PINBALL!

The good news is I'm not the first person to get something that came from Tommy Lee, the bad news is what am I going to do with two copies of "Crue Ball"?  I'm pretty sure putting "Crue Ball" in quotation marks is not even grammatically correct but I sure like doing it.  "Crue Ball".

8-Bit Arnold: The Trilogy

A bit if a belated celebration, but I'd just like to commemorate my former governor and favorite action hero by remembering him in all of his lame, 8-bit glory.  Here's to you Arnold Schwarzenegger, thanks for your years of public service, and  keeping the bar firmly set in in place for a long line of ineffective California governors!

I love the "derp" look on his face here

 

He looks more like Mel Gibson here, minus the anti-Semitic rage

Arnold was the first politician that I ever voted for, mainly because I thought he was going to kick some ass, and take names.  Then take those names, hunt down their families and make a necklace out of their ears.  However, most of his terms were spent being generally handicapped by a horribly liberal state legislature.  Which is hilarious because Arnold is one of the most liberal "Republicans" of all time.  He married a Kennedy for crying out loud.


My favorite part of his term was when he made the tuition fees for community colleges go up about 1000%.  I, like most slackers and underachievers didn't really give a crap about my grades in High school.  So when I turned 21, and decided maybe I should get my act together, I was met by tuition fees that required me to sell a kidney.  Guess I didn't make it to the choppa' :(

Please, don't come back jerk

Alpha Male Games: Super Spy Hunter

Look at this blog.  Back to me. Spy Hunter. Back to me now. 

I think the reason I'm so awesome is because I played alot of Vidya games where the main protagonist was a total badass, with plenty of chicks, cool cars, and amazing hair...I mean swagger.  Just look at how cool the Dude from Spy Hunter is.  I bet he doesn't afraid of anything. 

Offspring of The Fonz and David Hasselhoff?

Between his perfectly conditioned hair, and awesome Ferrari-esque car, I would be proud to let this dude date my sister.  What's funnier though, is that chick looks alot more homely than he does, WTF women?  Random Motorcycle.  Anyway, here's a sweet speed run video of Super Spy Hunter, which is alot more impressive than the Contra one I posted a few days ago.  Next time you're out at a club, drinking your Midori sour alone, and a hot girl makes eye contact with you just think:  WWSH do?  Pwn a freakin' helicopter with his sick ride, that's what he'd do.

Bugs bugging bugs

My uncle has a restored Galaga machine I used to play alot as a kid.  He once showed me this trick that makes all of the bugs stop shooting at you for the entirety of the game(heh).  Of course with the advent of the Internet everyone knows about this so I can't go to arcades and impress chicks with this anymore.  Of course, being an adult now, trying to impress Jr. High school chicks at an arcade in the suburbs is kind of creepy so everything turned out better than expected.  I will say though, that I actually did show a girl this once when I was a kid and she thought I was the coolest guy ever, so the success rate of this pickup move is 100% in my book.  Enjoy your Friday night, fellow bloggers!

Garfield Games: Why do you exist?

Thankfully, my parents have never "caught me in the act"...and why is he so happy about it?

How many of you as a kid were really into Garfield?  ok...How many of you were into Ninja Turtles, Pokemon, Batman, Power Rangers, Transformers, Disney Stuff, or even Barney?  That's what I thought.  Some characters manage to spawn a franchise title on just about every system, and the Garfield games that have come out over the years continue to baffle me.  Is there really a market for these games?  Do they really sell enough copies to warrant sequel after sequel on each generation of systems?  I know there's a niche market for certain games and characters, but I don't really see any hipsters telling me they were into Garfield before I was and I've probably never heard of him.  No, I've heard of him, and he's frankly, kind of stupid. 


I've put alot of thought into the mindset of software distributors and why they release these types of games(yes, I'm really that bored).  There's loads of articles out there if you're really curious as to why companies continually release what's known in the industry as "shovelware" it's profitable, but most agree it hurts the console or platform in the long run.  I kinda think shovelware is neat to collect, as it's different, quirky, and responsible for my favorite game of all time...

Haters gonna hate

I don't always play DS, but when I do I ride HorseZZZZZZ ya'll.

Sequels, and why they suck: Snake's Revenge

 Back in action bro's!  Regular updates coming again after this date.  Looks like I am going to start making this blog thing a full time (second) job for me!

I'm a big fan of the Metal Gear series of games, and I love Metal Gear for the NES, and Playstation.  This however is a little known game released for the NES system in 1990.  What alot of people love about the Metal Gear games is designer Hideo Kojima's masterful game play, and storyline.  This However is not that game.  it was developed without his knowledge and oversight, thus resulting in a dumbed down version of the original.  What else can I say so here's a quote lifted directly from the man himself: "Snake's Revenge was a "little crap game."  When the guy responsible for the rest of the games in this amazingly successful franchise says this, you know it sucks.

Early example of "shovelware"

I need ideas for games to review so any suggestions in the comments please!

Game Store Tips: Volume 1

Ahh the wonderful world of the Game Store.  It's a necessary evil for us gamers to venture out into the wilds and pick up our favorite FPS, RTS, RPG, or STD (Just kidding, you can't get an STD from your hand) at one of the many fine retail establishments at our local malls and suburban shopping centers. Or perhaps Microsoft sold you another overheating piece of garbage that you have to replace every 6 months. Regardless, these can be scary places, and if you're unprepared, your local Game store manager will play you like a cheap Rock Band plastic Drum set.  Spending most of my adult life either working for or frequenting these places, I am offering some useful tips on how to navigate these fuming, cesspools of nerdery.


1. Always have a girl trade in your used games.

Yeah I know, no girls on the Internet, but they do exist IRL, I promise!  This doesn't have to be a girl you're romantically involved with(hahahahahah) or even someone you're friends with.(lol) Find a girl who's willing to sell your old stuff because trust me my friends, they will get more store credit, more cash, more mouth-breathing from the employees, and maybe even some free merchandise in the form of leftover promotional items, and gaming gear.  Don't believe me?  Every time a hot girl would come into my former store, I would flirt with her, be extremely helpful and like I said give away free stuff.  This is similar to those losers who buy girl's drinks at bar in hopes of getting laid, but the difference is, it didn't cost me any money. 

Pro Tip: Ask your attractive and successful brother's (your parent's probably love him more) girlfriend, or your cousin +1 if she even remotely looks Eastern.

2. Don't buy the store Discount card, ask other customers to use theirs.

This saves you 10-15 bucks, and pisses off the employees because it cuts into their commission pay.  Alot of people don't realize that those discount cards they offer for frequent buyers or traders can be used by anyone willing to swipe their card for you.  In your face, Capitalism!


3. Learn to Powergame

Polwergaming is essentially beating a game as quickly, and efficiently as possible, abusing exploits, and conquering all foes in a matter of days or hours. All Game Store's have a return policy, usually any game you buy can be returned within 7 days for a full refund.  Use this to your advantage and stop enjoying video games and start OWNING them.  You are better than that RPG sitting over there next to the pile of Coke cans, so why let it beat you? This can save you a ton of money in the long run if you don't care about actually owning a game long-term.(Realistically, 99% of games progressively go down in value the moment you take the shrink wrap off, I don't care how cool that $120.00 dollar "Collectors Edition" looks)  there's no use in letting a game sit around for a month after you beat it and only get 15% of what you payed for it when you can get the full value by simply staying up until 5am for a few nights(Social life be darned) and embracing the philosophy of Forever Alone.

More tips when I feel like it, Enjoy your Friday night
SAR577JWHN96

Pointless but cool: Panasonic Gamecube

Just something neat that I've always wanted to get my hands on.  This is a Panasonic Gamecube, or basically a Gamecube that could play regular DVD's.  IMO, this is something that should have came standard with all GC's, but unfortunately was never released in the US, only Japan as far as I know.  I love obscure hardware, and this is one of the coolest looking, even though I'm not a fan of Nintendo products in general.  Note the awesome digital display screen, and blue LED lights.  It puzzles me that something like this wasn't made available to the US market, perhaps to preserve Nintendo's carebear kiddy image, or maybe they didn't want to up the price on the system because I remember one of Nintendo's selling points is always that thier stuff(crap usually) is cheaper than Microsoft and Sony.  What I like about this system so much is it looks less like a toy, and more like a Gaming machine that could turn into a Transformer and kick your ass.  Anyway, if anyone is lucky enough to own one of these, feel free to share your opinions on it.

Things you might not know

Hello followers, apologies about my absence for the past couple days, but I had to concentrate on things other than blogging, I notice I have an amazing 276 followers now, so I just want to say thank you so much for supporting me and this blog.  I mainly made this thing to show off my huge collection of classic, and obscure retro games, so It's cool to see so many people interested in my passion as well.

Since I believe talking about  common, or popular games is boring(honestly, what could I write that you haven't already heard or experienced about Mario?) I'm going to share some knowledge I've picked about about retro stuff that you probably didn't know or haven't heard before.

lol Goku?

I know many of my followrs are probably(or openly) Anime fans and one of the things that has always bothered me about retro games is how anime titles are often butchered, or completely changed for their American version releases.  Anime titles usually had the titles changed, and some of the graphics completely redone.(many of you might be familiar with the NES game "Dragon Power" basically being a much dumber version(heh) of the Dragonball series)

Another such titles which personally pisses me off even more than Dragon Failure is the game "Last Battle" for the Sega Genesis.  This game is actually a dumbed down version of the ultra cool anime "Fist of the Northstar" Which I fondly remember watching on Cinemax at 4am when I was a kid.  I was blown away by how ultra violent and cool this movie was so imagine my glee when I found out there was a video game based off of it.  Then my hopes sunk when I picked up a copy and found a douchebag who looked like David Hasselhoff on the cover and all of the great things about the movie were taken out in favor of some lame karate fighting and badly translated dialogue. 

Anyway that's my little rant, Opinions about this?  I'll be catching up with all my followers today so comments are appreciated :)

Durrrrr

Remember this? if you were born any time in the 1990's then you probably don't.  For me this image of two big, burly men fighting Fabio and a large woman brings back a heavy dose of nostalgia.  Golden Axe is quite possibly one of the best games on the Sega Genesis system.  released in 1989, It's a hack and Slash adventure where you can choose from 3(!) different, classic, medieval Lord of The Rings wannabes and some skeletons.  I grew up playing this at my local arcade, remember those things?   It's rather uncommon to find in the wild now, and especially complete in the box but easy enough to pick up on ebay.  One of the games coolest features is the ability to ride on animals, which an eventual sequel was based around, but the original game is the best to look into if you're curious about the roots of these type of mindless games that created a generation of lazy 20-somethings.

Graphics - 9/10
Sound - 7/10
Gameplay - 6/10
Boobs - 7/10